Episode Description: In this episode, we get to know Thomas Rudge of Consult Power. We discuss his journey and life growing up in New Zealand. He also goes over on the process of taking control of your life and being positive to be the manager of your life.
Consult Power – https://www.consultempower.com/
Life Strategies By Dr. Phill McGraw – https://www.amazon.com/Life-Strategies-Doing-Works-Matters/dp/0786890983
Posh Incredible Transformations – https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/posh-incredible-transformations/id1377517663?mt=2
Youtube Channel – https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCyrz1fZpMDHSfGm7t29ieOA/featured
Website – Poshinc.com
Email – email@example.com
- Intro – 0:00
- Who Is Thomas Rudge? – 0:38
- Transitioning from Resort to Mining Sector – 2:19
- Chevron and Bechtel – 3:37
- What is Mining Camp? – 4:28
- Being In Multiple Projects – 6:40
- When Did You Realize Your Purpose? – 7:46
- It Takes a Little Extra Thought to Make a Difference – 10:08
- What Took You Longer to Dig Deeper and Lift That Barrier? – 10:49
- The Reaction of Pushing Away and Not Facing It – 12:54
- Leaving the Mining Sector – 14:41
- 9 Weeks of Stress Levels Coming Down – 18:45
- Knowing When to Reach Out for Help – 20:53
- How to Relate With Excelling in a Career – 23:55
- Talking About the Process – 25:20
- The Effect of Balance of Right and Wrong – 30:56
- Next Step: What Is Your Belief System – 32:45
- Bringing Out the Joy Before the Pain and BDSM – 37:14
- Constructing Your Character – 38:55
- Do Some People Still Struggle Afterwards? – 41:30
- My Character and Growing Up in New Zealand – 43:10
- Playing Rugby Around the World – 46:50
- Have You Always Had a Positive Outlook About Your Past? – 49:37
- Highly Emotional Moment – 50:43
- You Are the Manage of Your Life, You Are the Designer of Your Destiny – 52:03
- You Have Control Over Your Life – 53:23
- Closing – 55:13
Tiffany: I’m Tiffany Lopez, and you’re listening to “Posh Incredible Podcast,” where I interview ordinary people who are making extraordinary transformations in their lives and for others. I believe we’re all here to transcend and assist the ones around us to grow into the people they were born to be. The pathway of awakening is a noble life pursuit, and it starts now.
Awesome. So, I guess we can just start by you telling us a little bit about yourself and what you do. I’m really super interested because…
Thomas: My name is Thomas Rudge. Born and raised in New Zealand. Lived internationally since the age of 18. Have been traveling since 19. Moved to the UK. Lived there for six years. Got a job on a cruise ship as a fitness director and then worked in the cruise ship industry for luxurious ocean liners as a fitness director, And have always been in the health and fitness industry for just shy of two decades, so for a long time. And I’ve always had a passion for helping people and have always had a passion for just health and well-being in general. And from the cruise ship industry, I moved into five-star luxurious resorts working with Hayman Island, the only five-star resort in the Great Barrier Reef, and then other prestigious companies such as the Shangri-La Hotel in Mongolia and Ulaanbaatar. And then moving from there into the mining sector and working in the oil, gas, and chemicals, which is where my real calling kind of came from. The mining industry has the highest suicide rate in any industry, especially within the Southern hemisphere. And so, I became employed with an American company named Bechtel Corporation.
Tiffany: How did you make the transition from resort to mining?
Thomas: Mining sector. Yeah. You know what? I don’t know how… So, the thought of the Bechtel Corporation, they wanted to bring the only five-star mining hotel-themed mining camp together. And so, because I had extensive experience within the hotel and leisure industry, they wanted to dovetail that together. And so, that’s how I got into the mining sector. And I worked there for…I worked in the oil, gas, and chemicals for seven years pretty much as a…I started off as a fitness director trainer. I was doing all the yoga classes, all the fitness classes, all the spin, abs, boxing, all that kind of stuff. We would give seminars and presentations on anatomy, physiology, the best kind of workout tips that you can have, healthy eating, nutrition, all this kind of stuff. And then I worked my way up into a senior management position and was pretty much a overall health and wellness director for Chevron and Bechtel.
Tiffany: Interesting. Are they sister companies?
Thomas: No. Chevron is a…I don’t wanna…They are a prestigious company who work within the mining sector, and they contracted us to run the camp.
Thomas: So they contracted Bechtel to basically, “Oh, you want to bring the hotel industry into the mining sector? We’ve never seen that before. That’s quite a outlandish dream or goal.” And so, yeah, we delivered that. We were the only mining camp to have left luggage where you could bring your luggage, and it could get delivered to your room. So, that’s unheard of where you get your luggage picked up and left. What else did we have? We had a post office.
Tiffany: What do you mean by mining camp?
Thomas: Mining camp. Mining camp is where in the fly in fly out working realm, you work a roster, so you have…Most people work a foreign once. So, four weeks on and one week off. So, four weeks, you live in a camp, and inside that camp is when you come, and I have to look after your health and well-being.
Tiffany: Oh, yeah. Okay.
Thomas: So, I have to provide gyms. I have to provide pools, and soccer games, and basketball games, and touch rugby, and AFL, and netball, and every kind of sport that you could have. But because I had…
Tiffany: It’s like a boarding school.
Thomas: Say again?
Tiffany: It’s like a boarding school.
Thomas: Yeah. It’s exactly like… Okay. I went to boarding school, and that’s exactly what it was like.
Tiffany: So, it’s like…I don’t know if the audience is familiar with factories, like, let’s say in China or something, but they have their employees live on campus for something like that.
Thomas: Something like that.
Tiffany: Or they get like one week off or a few weeks off a year or something, but they live in the factory.
Thomas: They live in the factory. Okay.
Tiffany: It’s like Google, what Google is trying to do.
Thomas: Correct. So, we pretty much had to try and present Google at the mining camp where we were. So, we would have to…
Tiffany: And the industry had never seen it before.
Thomas: No. So, the mining industry had had pools and tennis courts and stuff like that, but they didn’t really have golf simulators. They didn’t really have a golf driving range. They maybe have had Put-Put or things like that. Outdoor running tracks, outdoor gyms, these were unprecedented when we began the project. So, yeah, that’s kind of what we did. And our people who came…our mining soldiers, I guess you could call them, when they came in, or workers, they had never seen anything what we had built. So, it was unprecedented. Yeah.
Thomas: Thank you. Oh, yeah. And so, my whole goal, the other thing is no one committed suicide. That was my goal.
Tiffany: I was just going to ask that.
Thomas: So, on my watch for two years and nine months on that particular project, no one committed suicide.
Tiffany: And before that? Like is there a rate or percentage?
Thomas: Yeah. Okay. So, even when the project had begun, there was nothing before that, and then when I had been introduced, I held that zero people committing suicide.
Tiffany: Way to go.
Thomas: Yeah. And that’s where my kind of passion started like that then and there, and then from that point I…
Tiffany: How old were you for that seven years? What ages were you?
Thomas: Well, I’m 40 now. Just turned 40. And so, that would be 33, 34, something like that.
Thomas: But I had been on multiple projects over that seven-year period, so I wasn’t just in one place. The last project that I was on, that’s where I held the title of 0% suicide.
Tiffany: Okay. And so, between, like, 33, 37, 39, that’s where you found your purpose. How did you realize that was your calling? Like, how did that come about?
Thomas: I was staring at a light pole. I got to tell you the story. This is ridiculous. So, I had this Christian bursting at the lips for seven years, and I was wondering why people would get turned off by how I articulated the sentence, which was, “How can I make money to help people?” And I was training and doing…What do you call them? Like shuttle runs. So, it’s quite an exhaustive kind of exercise routine just in a car park, right? And it’s a bright sunny day. I’m in Lisbon, Portugal.
Tiffany: Are those like suicides?
Thomas: Yeah. Suicide runs. Okay. Yeah.Yeah.
Tiffany: Okay. Yeah. Got it.
Thomas: Okay. So, you run backwards and forwards across the car park, right? And so, there I am, and I’m questioning myself, and this was a massive transformation for me. So, I was exhausted, and I was thinking about this question, “What is it about this question that keeps turning people off me and the conversation and make people move away from me physically?” And I had picked that up. I didn’t know how or why, but I captured it, and I was looking at this light pole, and I was, like, “What is it about the sentence that really turns people away?” And I was, like, “Okay, well, I’ll analyze the words. How can I make money to help people? Why is that wrong?” And then I was, like, “Well, that word money kind of fits in the wrong place. When I just remove the word money, and what am I left with? How can I help people?” Boom. Instantly there I had this overwhelming rush of just joy and elation. Because I’ve been in the health and wellness industry for two decades, almost 20 years, helping people, and I didn’t know how to bring the money side of it into it. And I had always had money at the front of my sentence, at the forefront of my thought. And when I flipped that around, it was an unbelievable weight off my shoulder because that’s all I’ve been doing in my life is helping people, and now the sentence is, “How can I help people?” That’s it. And so, that was my transformational breakthrough. That was in Lisbon, Portugal, maybe March of last year.
Tiffany: So, I just want to make, like, a kind of a side statement here is sometimes it takes that little extra thought, and it’s really not much, right?
Thomas: Correct. It’s that one inch.
Tiffany: It just dig a little bit deeper. You can go one inch, you go two inches, and it’s really not that much, but it makes the world of difference.
Thomas: It’s unbelievable. And I couldn’t believe I was just staring at this light pole, and I was sweating, and I was bent over, and I was like, “What is it about this question that is repelling people?” And it was the word money. And as soon as I took that away, I realized my calling, and it was like goosebumps all over my body, and I couldn’t wait to share it with everybody.
Tiffany: What do you think took you so long to dig a little bit deeper?
Thomas: I think I had the wrong questions. No, I know I had the wrong questions. I definitely had my questions distorted. Yes.
Tiffany: What do you think lifted that, like, that barrier, though?
Thomas: Great question.
Tiffany: Because sometimes we don’t know. Like, you can attribute it to a lot of different things. You can attribute it to timing or your growth or if what you’re ready for or maybe…
Thomas: Yeah, your circumstance, your environment, your mental ability, your cognizant, what age you are. There’s all sorts of different scenarios and variations that can be a reason as to why that would happen.
Tiffany: I find, like, sometimes when that rock lifts off your chest and you realize something, it seems so obvious, right? It’s, like, “Wow, that was so simple. Why did it take me so long to get here?” And so, you’re right, it could be a number of different things. But have you thought about it, like, what yours might have been or how you…? I mean, maybe it doesn’t even matter.
Thomas: Yeah, no. I like your question. Do you know what was prominent for me is really articulating the questions that I had and having clarity on what I was actually asking and why I was actually asking it? So, there are two prominent questions that I ask my clients when I’m working with them, and they are, what are you feeling, and why are you feeling it? So, profound right there. And I think that really describes the types of questions that I ask now at the forefront. It was always in the back of my mind, but now it’s in the prefrontal cortex or the front…you know, the logical side of our brain and it now comes easily and effortlessly. So, yeah. And I think it’s how we articulate and feel our questions because it is imperative that we know who we are, what we are, where we are, how we are.
Tiffany: Yeah. Do you think maybe instead of choosing to feel around the words that went…like which words sounded right together, that when you got the reaction from people, you may have just, like, tried to push it away instead of facing it head-on?
Thomas: When I was with, whether it be friends or family or people I was trying to help and things like this when I was with them when I was in that moment, and I was asking them, you know, “How can I make money to help people?” They would always be, like, “Thomas, that’s just you. Okay. You do that, okay?” And then they would walk away and they would just kind of leave the conversation. I was, like, “What? I’m trying to help. What can I do to help?” So, my underlying intention was to help. But when you ask your questions, I guess people have a belief about money, or they have a belief about something, and I think that’s very important to understand who you are and what you believe and challenge your beliefs at every essence of that space. It’s highly and critically important.
Tiffany: Okay. So, basically, I feel like you’ve been in a lot of different…So, you did this physical well-being in, like, a small city that floated around the world.
Thomas: Around the world. Yeah.
Tiffany: And then you moved to resort. So it’s, like, somewhat stationary but still a big project.
Tiffany: …and then you kind of moved to doing it for really large corporations. And now you’re back to…Not back. Definitely not back to the small city thing. But now you’re working on your own. So, you left your…
Thomas: So, I left the mining sector.
Tiffany: …the mining sector.
Tiffany: What did it take to do that? Were you ready, or was it just, like, a leap of faith or what?
Thomas: Do you know what? I was absolutely ready to leave.
Tiffany: Oh, you were ready.
Thomas: Working in the mining sector was a high stress, high testosterone industry. A lot of anger and a lot of fear. And those are powerful words. I don’t generally use those. I have to tell you about something that’s happened to me recently with regards to the mining sector has kind of come back into my life, and I need to…I’ll tell you that in a moment. So, a lot of anger, a lot of fear, a lot of testosterone, and what did it take? I was ready to leave the mining sector. And what had happened was I had completed my task of achieving zero suicide. And so it was at a time when the project had come to an end, and basically, I had achieved my goal and I had received my notice of, I guess, unemployment because there was no more use for that particular job title and job. So, I was with open arms. I was ready to leave the project. And I had come to the end of my seven-year tenure because I had always given myself a goal of go into the mines, make some money, buy a house, have a deposit for a house, and then come away with a bit of a payment so that I can start my own business.
And so, I had achieved all of those goals, and I was absolutely ready. And as soon as they gave me my notice, I was like, “Oh, this is great. I’m gonna take some time off. I’m gonna take three months off.” And then it’s at that point where I started to work for the Shangri-La Hotel in Mongolia. And so, at the end of working on that mining project, I thought, “Oh, you know what? It’ll take me three days, five days or six days or seven days, and then my stress levels will come down.” The first week went by, it didn’t happen. Second week went by, didn’t happen. The third, the fourth, the fifth, the sixth, the seventh, the eighth, and on the ninth week, my stress levels came down, and I said, “What is going on there?” And it was a prominent thought in my mind. I’m a health and wellness, I wouldn’t say guru, but I’m really good at knowing myself, and I’m like, “Why did I miss that? What was going on?” And I had absolute curiosity behind why it took so long for my stress levels to come down.
And so, I needed that three months off before joining another hotel group. And yeah, at week nine, there was a pivotal turning point where I didn’t understand why my stress levels were so high, and I couldn’t pick when the stress levels were coming down. When I was working FIFO, fly in, fly out, I had noticed that when you come for your one week home, your seven days off, you get home on Sunday, you feel good, but you know that your stress levels are higher. Monday, stress levels is still high. Tuesday, stress levels is still high. Wednesday, you relax a bit. Awesome. Now, Wednesday I’ll feel really good. Thursday, I feel really good. Friday, I feel really good. Saturday, I’m starting to…I got to go back to work on Sunday. Sunday, I don’t like Sundays. So, I could tell my emotions were being driven or stirred at the point, and I was, like, “Okay, well, then that’s the same when I end the project for seven years. It’ll be like a Wednesday or a Thursday, and my stress levels will come down.” No. Nine weeks later, it was at that point that I realized my stress levels had come down.
Tiffany: We call that the Sunday scaries.
Thomas: Sunday scaries, yeah. I can see you. I can see how that works. Yeah. So, it took nine weeks for my stress levels to come down. And even now, I jump into what it felt like, what I heard, what the feelings were, and what I sensed. And so, all I can put it down to it was just that critically, highly intense working environment. And at the time, I didn’t know I was stressed at work, and my job wasn’t even stressful, really. I had to make sure that all the soccer games were playing and all the basketball games were playing. Everybody had yoga and meditation and all of that kind of stuff. Yep. All there. All my programs are diligently run. My personal trainers who were working for me did a fantastic job. The gym managers were doing a fantastic job. We had celebrities coming over from the East Coast. We had AFL sporting players, rugby players, rugby league players, and they would give talks on suicide prevention, mental health, and all of this kind of stuff. They had the most fantastic program that you could ever imagine. So, they were highly cared for.
Tiffany: Isn’t that interesting how we sometimes are in a situation and we don’t choose to acknowledge what is really going on inside of us?
Thomas: Yeah. Good catch there. The…
Tiffany: It happens to me all the time.
Thomas: Yeah. I could imagine it’s prevalent throughout the entire maybe corporate world, business world. And you’re so used to a particular standard of something, but you don’t actually know that you’re stressed or you have high anxiety or you have that fear or that anger. You just know that you need to go to work. That’s all you need. That’s all, you know. And so, that’s where I kind of found my calling in that because I knew that it was prevalent in my life and I didn’t understand why. And so that’s why I developed my program to capitulate, to grab a hold of that and say, “Hey, look at this. We need to unpack this and read this and talk about this and feel this.”
Tiffany: Wow. So, you make people unpack, like, their… Not make people. I mean, they come to you willingly [inaudible 00:20:57]. You’re kind of there to be like, “Hey, we need to go that inch deeper into this.
Tiffany: …We need to go that two inches deeper into this.”
Thomas: Yes. Yes. So…
Tiffany: So, wait, I have one question about that.
Tiffany: So, let’s say you’re in a situation, and you’re not acknowledging what’s happening inside. How do you know to reach out to somebody for help, like you?
Thomas: What are the signs and symptoms?
Tiffany: I mean, like, how would somebody know to reach out to you and say, “Hey, I have this thing going on inside of me. I’m not really sure how to unpack it. Like, can you help me?”
Thomas: Yes. That’s a great question. Because the first process, the first step is identifying what it is, and people just don’t know. What I try to do is I try to communicate with words. I do podcasts and Facebook posts and all this kind of stuff. And I met my words around fear, panic, anger. These are the crippling emotions that we feel. And so those are the main ones, but then what about the small ones? These are the ones that actually tip you over the edge.
Tiffany: Like, what would be an example of a small one that would tip you?
Thomas: So, do you get annoyed often? Does somebody annoy you? Does something, annoy you?
Thomas: Yeah. And what about, do you get frustrated?
Thomas: So, yeah, frustration is one. Do you have a sense of a doubt?
Tiffany: I do. Yeah.
Thomas: So, these are the little ones. So, when you start to say yes to those questions, it’s at that point where hopefully you come across me, and I say, “Hey, we should have a conversation about this because I can help you here.” Because I can grab what the main ones are. You probably don’t know that you are feeling and going through and sensing these main crippling emotions.
Tiffany: Yeah. I find that doubt is like a little tiny door. It’s like a little tiny hole in a fabric that is but just…you know. Then you go on that hike, or you wash it or something, and all of a sudden, it’ let a bunch of other things in, and you’re like, “This is out of control.”
Thomas: Yeah. And that’s when it becomes overwhelming, and then that’s where distortion comes in, and that’s where confusion comes in. And it’s at that point where you need someone to go, “Hang on. We can do this together. Let me get a hold of it. Cut yourself off from it. Tell me what it is. I’ll catch it, and we’ll work it out together easily and effortlessly.” So, I hold the problem. I get you to give it to me.
Thomas: So, I get you to separate from it, and I hold it, unpack it, and then we discuss it. And then somewhere along the track, you get emotional, and it can be displayed in all sorts of different ways.
Tiffany: So, how do you relate this type of work to excelling in a career or… Because it seems very personal, right?
Thomas: Very personal.
Tiffany: And sometimes I feel like people tend to separate personal life and their careers.
Thomas: Business. Yeah. I did when I was in the corporate sphere, as well. I did the same thing.
Tiffany: Sometimes, compartmentalizing is a way to cope, right?
Thomas: Correct. Yes.
Tiffany: But I have also found that if you work on yourself that it brings everything else up. It’s almost like what would be a good…
Thomas: Yeah. Like an analogy?
Tiffany: Yeah. It’s, like, one of those things that if you focus on it, then everything else kind of works/ But if you don’t focus on it, then you kind of have to compartmentalize and, like, try to patch this one up over here and, like, patch that one up over there.
Thomas: Yes. That’s exactly…
Tiffany: And then just, like, “Oh, there’s a hole over this. This one is sinking. What do we do?”
Thomas: Yeah. So, hopefully, it’s at that point that you come across me, and I catch it and patch it up for you. But not only do I catch and patch, I remove it, so it’s not even there. And so, I have always had the catch and patch, but I’ve never had the removing tool up until recently, and I’m talking three to six months.
Tiffany: Oh, I was just saying. Do you want to talk about your tool?
Thomas: Yeah, we can. Yeah. I don’t want to divert too much, but do you know what? I’m open to discussing it 1000%, and, in fact, I will discuss everything. So, yeah.
Tiffany: Okay. So, I’ve also found that one of the major components is, well, I guess to making progress is one, reviewing.
Thomas: Reviewing. Absolutely.
Tiffany: Got to review. And then you have to…It’s almost like taking a…This is my personal process of how I do it, and then you can tell me yours.
Tiffany: I like to make a list of things that need to be, like, cleaned up or patched up, and then probably…
Thomas: So, you write it out on a piece of paper or…
Tiffany: I do. Yeah.
Thomas: Like [inaudible 00:25:58]?
Tiffany: And in the beginning, when I first started this work, there was a big long list, and I did it. I worked on it in multiple ways because I kind of found that sometimes you can write something out and, like, change it and affirm it and visualize it, but also sometimes that’s not enough, and you have to find a new way of dealing with it. Anyways, and then there’s the portion of, like, rewriting almost. So, you deal with the past,…
Thomas: Yes. I love it.
Tiffany: …you get that on the paper, then you rewrite it, and that’s, like, your clean slate almost. And then you project that into the future a bit and then when you do that, you find the things that are holding you back and then those are the things that you have to go back and revisit and remove.
Tiffany: So, that’s my kind of, like, process.
Thomas: You’ve got a really good base understanding of how…That’s similar to what I do for my clients. So, I have entry-level medium, and I have highly stressed, advanced people. So I categorize them into three groups. And so, my process looks very similar to that. So, I identify what the issues are. So, if you have 20 problems, well you go and write out your 20 problems. I am in a relationship that I don’t like. You got to write that, and you got to commit to writing that, and you need to give it to me so that I can hold you accountable, not in a vigorous way, but, you know, just in a…
Tiffany: “Hey, how’s that relationship that you don’t like going on? Have you done anything about that?”
Thomas: Exactly. And so, there it comes in the questions, and “How are you coping with that?” and, “How is that working out for you?” and “What can we do to help move you into a position of happiness?” Because what do we all want really? We all want happiness. We want peace, that joy, excitement, adventure, travel, all this kind of stuff. We don’t want to be in a relationship that holds us back, somebody who’s repressive or somebody who’s holding or abusive or anything like that. No way. We hold ourselves to a higher standard. Nobody treats…If you’re a woman, I’m talking from a woman perspective. “Nobody treats us that way. We have just as much rights as everybody else, and we deserve to be respected,” you know, in a balanced perspective as well. I’m a big advocate for women empowerment. I love that, and I feel…since the ancient Greeks and Roman mythology and all this kind of stuff and the way women were portrayed as less than males or something like that, and that rouses my emotions in a negative sense in terms of that’s not fair. There’s no balance there. I don’t like that. And so, this has been taught in Western philosophy in Western culture for a long, long time, and I’m so grateful that…Like Oprah Winfrey and the Me Too movement, I love that.
Tiffany: Yeah. I love Oprah.
Thomas: And I love how that movement is coming. I just think we need a little bit more balance in that movement. Sorry, I got off on a tangent there, but…
Tiffany: Yeah, that’s all right. We like tangents.
Thomas: You like tangents? Okay.
Tiffany: You go for it.
Thomas: And so, what the process looks like from my clients is actually identifying what that problem is. So, if you’ve got 20 problems and you tell me the number 20, that’s a unit. That’s a measurable number. You got 20, you got to write me 20 things that are going wrong, but also, that’s just one page. You’ve also got to do the things that are right. What are the 20 things that are going right in your life? I want balance here. I want 20 wrong, and I want 20 right. Or maybe you got 40 problems. Well, I want 40 wrong, and I want 40 right. And that, even at that entry-level, that is very difficult to do.
Tiffany: It’s very difficult.
Thomas: So, it’s very…But I give them tools, and I walk them through it, and I coach them, and I teach them, and I give them ideas and I talk about, you know, what are the things that are going right? “Well, you have two hands, don’t you? You have two feet, don’t you?”
Tiffany: “Did you wake up this morning?”
Thomas: Yeah, I love that one. “You’re alive.” What a big one. People miss that.
Tiffany: There’s air readily available for us to breathe.
Thomas: Yes. What about water? What about shelter and food? And so, I can give them the help when they get to the…because I think they know. People innately know what is going wrong, but they never spend time on what’s going right. So, right there is a very powerful tool just in itself. The introduction of what’s going wrong and what’s going right really sets the platform to build from. From that point…
Tiffany: Well, if I can interject here.
Tiffany: One thing that that does, the balance, looking at what’s wrong and what’s right is all the time when a light bulb or a ding or a red flag goes off in our head, we are trained…When you train your clients to automatically look at the other side of things too, like, “Oh, okay, well, that went wrong, but what can I see? What positives can I see that may come out of this?” And that is a life-changing thing. I like the way that you’re training.
Thomas: I always try and think beyond, as well. So, there’s a beyond step. So you’ve got the right, the wrong, and what’s beyond that. People don’t… And so I leave that to the end. That’s like my Pika, that one Pika. That’s not even a word, but it’s the next step because I don’t want to give just a [inaudible 00:31:55]. I want to give a trilogy or a triple. So, yeah, it really gives you, like, a pyramid. You have a strong foundation, and then you have the top. When you go beyond, you go to the top. That’s it.
Tiffany: That’s amazing. This life skill… But just in your first, like, step number one, people, I’m telling you, if you learn how to do that, it will be life-changing.
Tiffany: Just that one step.
Thomas: It’s the most powerful thing that I’ve come across that really…It just gives you clarity. You really step into who you are, what you’re made of, and really identifying what’s holding you back. That’s it.
Tiffany: Awesome. Beautiful.
Thomas: Sorry, I get a bit passionate about.
Tiffany: Me too. Me too. Okay, so next is the what?
Thomas: Okay. So, from that point, identifying…So, that gives a lot of revelation for people. Revelation, liberation. They feel like there’s a lot of weight off their shoulders. They get a lot of clarity just from that first point. Then we move into what is their belief system? So, what do you believe? You know. So, some of the questions that I pose to them really comes down to either a lie or a truth. And so, we go through, and we identify what they believe throughout their life has been a lie or what has been a truth. So, I stem back to a childhood memory, and I say, “Right. So, take me back to a time when you were young, and what is a profound memory that you have playing in your mind’s eye, the picture in your mind’s eye? And take me back to a time where you were absolutely joyous, where you have that smile, that incredible laughter, and it hurts your face, and you really jump into that happy moment. What is that? Describe it for me.” And so, they would articulate. They would speak to me about that moment in time.
And when people talk about that, they have this overwhelming humanity, the humility in their eyes when you talk to them, when you speak to them. And there’s a lot of emotion going on in there. And what I find is you always start with the joy, but what comes next? You have to talk about something negative that happened. Why? “Why would I want to do that? Why would I want to ruin the joyous moment that we were just having?” Well, because it brings balance. It brings perspective. It brings the beyond thinking. So, I love metacognition. Metacognition is beyond thinking. It’s knowledge about knowledge. It’s thinking about thinking. It’s knowing about knowing. It’s one’s higher-order thinking skill. Meta means beyond, and metacognition is being able to really have the knowledge to, you know, comprehend, work things out, problem solve. And that’s what it’s about in that moment. It’s about really identifying the joyous things, the joyous memories that we have, having comprehension behind what we feel, why we feel it, and then moving over to the negative side and doing the exact same process.
Tiffany: I think one thing that’s cool about that, step two, is you get to feel what feeling good feels like and then you get to feel what feeling bad feels like right next to each other.
Tiffany: Sometimes a side-by-side comparison is, like, you know… Have you ever been to a wine tasting…
Thomas: Oh, yeah.
Tiffany: …and you taste the wines side by side?
Thomas: In the [inaudible 00:35:55]
Tiffany: But if you didn’t taste them side-by-side, you wouldn’t really know the difference. It would just taste like wine.
Tiffany: Same with coffee. If you taste coffee and you don’t taste different ones or different rows side-by-side, everything just tastes like coffee. If you taste sadness or unhappiness…
Thomas: I love what you’re saying.
Tiffany: …on its own, then it just feels, like, bad. But if you taste it next to pure joy, you would now have a choice.
Thomas: Mm-hmm. And this is where the people get the clarity because…
Tiffany: You’re like, “I really like the pure joy. I really like that Cab. I thought I like Merlo, but I really like Cabernet. I really, really like pure joy. It’s very sweet.”
Thomas: Yeah. Does it spark joy for you? And when you ask that question, you’re like, “Oh, my God, it’s either a definite yes or a definite no,” and you have clarity. It’s the lucidity that really brings you that joy, that spark of joy.
Tiffany: That’s amazing. That’s awesome. I love that you do that.
Thomas: Absolutely. And I guess that’s step number two. Number three, we would…Do you have any questions on that one?
Tiffany: Oh, I just have a comment.
Thomas: Sure. Go for it.
Tiffany: Something that came to mind when you were…I don’t even know if I should say this.
Thomas: Do it. Do it.
Tiffany: This is a little racy here. Something that came to mind when you were talking about bringing out the joy first and then making them feel the pain. Is this one aspect of…Are you familiar with BDSM?
Thomas: No. What’s that?
Tiffany: Okay. So, it’s a type of sexual play.
Tiffany: It’s, like, a role-play and stuff like that.
Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Tiffany: So, one of the…I study a lot of different strange things. But I find that they relate to other things too. So, one of…
Thomas: There will be interlinks, interconnections in between everything that we do, so I understand.
Tiffany: Yeah. One of the aspects of it is that you induce pleasure so they can take more pain because it doesn’t hurt as much, and you’re not supposed to inflict pain anyways, but just like a little bit. I don’t know. I just found that interesting.
Thomas: Yeah. So, one of my comments on that is regardless of what the environment is, the human mind, and the body, and the spiritual part as well, they’re all interconnected, and it doesn’t matter what environment that we’re into as in the physical being, we can interlock into each environment and either seek pain or pleasure in that environment. So, I can understand that.
Thomas: Okay. Number three, construct your character. So, once we’ve found out who you are as a child, we come into the who are you now and where do you want to be? And so, this is where the greatest transformation happens because you build from the ground up. Not only do you go all the way back as a childhood, but you go all the way into the future, and then you come back to the present. And we have a discussion from there, from being a child, from that beautiful, loving, joyous moment and the negative memory that we have. So, we take those two, and we have it, and we go all the way into the future, and we design and play a movie of what our ideal life would look like, and you step into it. You step into what it feels like. You don’t just make a picture. No.
You’ve got to step into that feeling of what you just did here as a child, but you do that in the future. And then from that point, you articulate, you capitulate, you stay in that moment too. You feel that moment in the future. You have a negative and a positive in the future. You got to keep the balance, but then you come back into the present. And then from that point, being in the present, we construct a character that has the ability to achieve that goal. Because you know yourself in the past, you know yourself in the future, and you know what you have to do now in the present. And so, there is a part where we do strip down everything, and we build a character that is formidable in achieving the desired outcome, the desired dream. You know, it could be whatever their dream is. So, it’s a very powerful transformation, but we strip everything in the present. And then from stripping the…When you get back to the core of who that person is, it’s almost like putting jet packs on a person and just saying, “Right. Are you ready? Let’s go. I’m coming with you. We’re doing it together all the way.”
Tiffany: I feel like I have some questions around… Do you find that people just still struggle after the character is built to make the moves that will…because you’ve prepared them?
Thomas: Yeah. So, we get a lot of clarity from the past, and we get a lot of clarity from the present. The only thing that is uncertain during the program, at that point, is the future. So, when you build in the present, there is only success in the future, and it comes down to what we are designing in terms of how we design our mindset. That’s a key thing there. What we say to ourselves on a day-to-day basis, what mantras we are reading, who we are hanging out with, our environment, what work, are we eating well? Are we exercising? Are we engaged in our downtime? Are we actually loving ourselves? Are we bringing a meditation practice into it? And we really get a full scope picture in the present moment. I haven’t come across a failure in what I’m teaching so far, and I’m sure I won’t, but I have to be realistic. There may be an opportunity for that, but how I construct has never been seen before. And so, that’s why I designed it because where I came from, I shouldn’t have come from where I came from, and what I have is what I built by myself. And so, yeah. Should I go into a little bit of detail as to where I come from and all that kind of stuff?
Tiffany: Yeah. Yeah. I think that would probably be helpful.
Thomas: So, yeah, born and raised in Auckland, New Zealand. Grew up a lot of times with no food in the house. I used to have all the hand-me-down shoes, and, you know, I would be too embarrassed to run to school with these shoes on, and it’d be cold. And I would be so embarrassed I wouldn’t wear the shoes because they had holes in them and I didn’t want anyone to see, and then I’d run into class, and my feet would be bleeding because I ran across some glass or something. And the teacher would be, like, “Hey, who’s feet is bleeding?” And then she’d follow the blood track and it would lead to my desk, and I was there sitting, and they go, “[inaudible 00:43:54], and she’d be like, “Where is your shoes?” And I would just say, “Oh, I forgot them,” actually, because I was too embarrassed to wear these shoes.
So, I grew up in a really poor environment. I remember there not being much food in the house. A lot of gangs and violence, and alcohol. And it taught me great lessons. It taught me to be thankful for being taught those lessons, which were…I am a direct opposite of what my family are. So, my father was an alcoholic. I’m definitely not an alcoholic. So, he taught me some really pivotal lessons when I was a kid. I don’t drink because I know what an alcoholic looks like. I know what they smell like. I know how their body language changes when they talk. They’re lethargic, and lazy, and no energy, and they don’t want to play footy or anything like that. So, I understand the body language. I understand what it looks like, feels like, smells like, tastes like. And so, it just repelled me. So, that was the lesson for me. I learned, “Oh, I see that. I don’t like that. I don’t want that.” So, then I did everything in my power to not be like that. So, I took them as the example, and that was the lesson for me. I saw, and I was like, “Oh, I don’t like that. I have to be something else.” And so, I came from that kind of environment, and luckily enough, I got a sports scholarship which removed me from that environment.
Tiffany: Is that where you went to boarding school?
Thomas: Yeah. And then I went to boarding school. Yeah, that’s right.
Tiffany: What sport?
Thomas: Sports and athletics are mainly rugby. Rugby, and athletics, and so I got a sports scholarship when I was about 12. I got taken away from home. Well, not taken, I got a scholarship, so I left, and I was 30 minutes from my house, and it was the top school in Oakland, New Zealand. A very prestigious Christian school. We had to go to church every Sunday. And I was, like, “What’s this church stuff? I don’t understand this stuff,” but I loved it because you got to sing. And I’m quite instrumental. I can play a few instruments, and so I got to sing. And so even though I didn’t really like church, I did actually enjoy singing. And then you can’t help but listen to whatever the preacher man has to say.
So, it did teach me some really good morals and I’m very grateful that I got to go to school in that prestigious school because it taught me some of the life lessons that I have today, the moral standing within a community, you know, the honesty, integrity, trust, respect, courage, openness and all these, like, good, virtuous values. And I was there for seven years. There’s no way my family could pay for that. And I added it up maybe a year ago and somebody paid $700,000. I didn’t pay.
Thomas: I got a sports scholarship, and I was very fortunate enough to have…The person who approached me was actually the CEO of Lion Nathan, which is a big brewery company in Oakland, New Zealand, and I think in Australia too.
And Michael Smith, he approached me and said, “Hey, listen, would you like to go to school?” And I actually declined it. I’m 12 years old down the rugby field. I was representing Oakland at the time. And I got mud all over my face, and this guy is running in a suit across the field or crazy running to me, you know, and just do it, and I got mud everywhere. And he taps me on the shoulder, and he goes, “Hey, boy, do you want to go to school with my son?” And his son was…I was playing with him. We were in the same team, “with Smithy?” And I was, like, “I don’t know. That’s where rich people are. I don’t want to go there.” And he goes, “What? [inaudible 00:47:46]. I’m telling you.” And then my dad smacked me on the back of the head, a little clip over the years. He’s like, “Shut up, boy. Go have a shower.” And my dad said, “Yeah, he wants to go.”
Tiffany: Oh, wow.
Thomas: So, my dad kind of convinced me to go. And we had an interview with the principal, Mr. [inaudible 00:48:01], who was an amazing man and just an inordinate teacher, just a great, formidable teacher. And I had so much respect for him. Yeah. And so, yeah, we ended up going to school for seven years, so from 13 to 17. And then we had rugby tournament and sports tournaments all over the world. We went to America. We went to Disneyland, and we were like 16 years old. And I love Disneyland. And we were on the rides and running around, and then we played rugby, and then we’d have training, and we had training in L.A., and they had like 1,000 channels on the TV, and I was like, “Whoa, this is crazy.” And I remember that. And you couldn’t drink the water in L.A.
Thomas: Yeah. So, I didn’t know that. I’m 16, so I was like, “Oh, wow,” you know. And so, all of my expenses got paid for through the company, and we played rugby. That was what I went to school for. I played rugby, and that’s it. And so, yeah, we went all over the world playing rugby. And the school was just a fantastic platform for me to grow. And I love my school even today.
Tiffany: Wow. Your dad really pulled through for you on that one?
Thomas: Oh, yeah, massively. I was like, “No way. I’m not going there,” and he was like, “Man, get up. He would like to. Yes, we’re going.” And I was, like…because I couldn’t see that. I’m 12 years old. I was just playing rugby. I didn’t know.
Tiffany: Have you always had such a positive outlook about your past?
Thomas: No. Yeah. A good question. I always had a negative outlook.
Tiffany: When did that change?
Thomas: That’s a great question. 18, 19. I read a book called…Dr. Phil McGraw, “Life Strategies.” Holy. How do I remember that? That’s crazy. Okay. That book changed my life.
Tiffany: Whoa. I have to write that down. I am an avid reader.
Thomas: Yes. So, Dr. Phil McGraw. Did you say Dr. Phil?
Tiffany: The Dr. Phil?
Thomas: Yeah. Dr. Phil. That guy. “Life Strategies.” And I think that was the fundamental turning point for me.
Tiffany: And you read that at 18?
Thomas: 18, 19. Yeah.
Tiffany: Wow. That’s kind of amazing. And that’s when your perspective changed about your past.
Thomas: Yeah. Because he said, “You got to be grateful.” Oh, that book brought me to tears. I’m not a crier, okay? Okay, maybe a little bit at Lion King. But “Life Strategies” made me have this kind of crying. You know that crying that’s uncontrollable? Like that?
Thomas: Okay. So, that’s really ugly. But what I noticed if I’m in my position now where I am, and I think back to that time, that was highly emotional, like booming. And I think about that time, and that brought me to tears, and I was like, “Why am I crying? This is not normal.” But I think there’s a story in there where a lady had been controlled by her thought and she had given the power away to somebody who had abused her. So, I had picked up…It’s the same pattern that I’m using how I teach people now. I didn’t even know that until I had this conversation right now with you. But it’s the same pattern. She had given the power to somebody who had abused her and then that person died so she couldn’t go and talk to him. I don’t want to ruin the book for you. But in that “Life Strategies,” there’s a moment in there where something happens, and you need to read that book.
Tiffany: I’m going to read it. I’m almost done with the book that I’m reading now. It’ll be my next one.
Tiffany: Yeah. That’s amazing.
Thomas: It was an incredible book and pivotal. I think that’s where my growth for mindset and being able to grab ahold of your thought really began. Yeah. I didn’t know that until right now. You just made me realize that.
Tiffany: That’s really cool.
Thomas: Yeah. Thank you. I’m very grateful.
Tiffany: Well, we’re coming up on our hour. Is there any last thoughts or anything you’d like the audience to know?
Tiffany: I’ll include links and everything.
Thomas: Sure. Listen, you are the designer of your destiny and the manager of your life. So if your life sucks, blame your manager. You have absolute power in what you do with your life. And once you gain clarity…I’m a big fan of this statement, which is clarity breeds mastery. And when you get a hold of who you are, what you stand for, and, you know, what’s really holding you back, your life will change the trajectory, and you will get transformation after transformation when you start with those questions. The who am I? What am I made of? What do I want that I don’t have? And what’s really holding me back? And I think we all have that power. It’s all within us, but some of us just need that help sometimes. And so I’m here to help. So, that’s what I do. Yeah.
Tiffany: Awesome. We’ll include your details in the show notes. And also just a side note, if you don’t believe that you have power over your life, then that’s just a limiting belief, and all you have to do is change it.
Thomas: Agree. Agree.
Tiffany: So, if you’re the person on the other end of this who’s saying, “I don’t have power over my life,” or, “I don’t have control,” then that’s one of your beliefs that you can change if you want to.
Thomas: But just question it. Question that belief. That’s the truth.
Tiffany: Yeah. Where did it come from?
Thomas: “Where does that thought come from?”
Tiffany: “Is it mine?”
Thomas: “Whose is that thought? That’s not my thought.”
Tiffany: Does it feel, right? Does it feel Good?
Thomas: “Does it align with my values? What’s that thought? Why is that thought? Does that align with my honesty, integrity, trust, respect, courage, openness, fun? Does it align with me? Doesn’t align with me? Delete. Goodbye.” Do you know what I mean? That’s it. That’s how you do it.
Tiffany: Great. And also, I love clarity breeds mastery. Sometimes we don’t have clarity, so it’s always something you can ask for.
Tiffany: I’m a huge fan of praying.
Thomas: Oh, yeah. Praying. You got to pray, man. You got to do the I love yous. You got to do I pray for you. You got to do the those are my gratitude moments. You got to be grateful. You got to be…You got to say I love you to the chair, to the microphone, to your phone, everything. You got to thank everything because that’s where the power is.
Tiffany: Yeah. I don’t know. It sounds silly to say, like, say it to the microphone, say it to the table, say it to the chair, but even if it sounds silly, like, you don’t have to believe that it will work in order for it to work. Like, you just do it, and all of a sudden, it becomes a habit, and then it becomes your normal state of being.
Tiffany: And if you’re afraid of what that might bring, then you got to look at that. You got to look at that belief too. So, just keep digging and digging and digging [inaudible 00:55:06176] journey.
Thomas: Cross-check every single belief. You got a thousand beliefs? Check them all. There’s a long piece of paper but check them.
Tiffany: Awesome. Thank you so much for being on the show.
Thomas: You’re welcome.
Tiffany: It’s been really an awesome conversation.
Thomas: Yeah. I really enjoyed it. Thank you for having me. I’m very grateful, and God bless everyone for sure 1000%.
Tiffany: One hundred.