If you feel lost, are shy, have low self esteem, come from a dysfunctional family then you need personal development. The reason is because in order to survive childhood you would have had to become something you weren’t. We have a fear of not fitting in with our tribe and when our tribe acts like total psychos, we begin to think that’s “normal” and we’re not. We want to be liked by our tribe because if we aren’t it means “death.” To push our authenticity down is a normal, resourceful survival adaptation. But we’re not kids anymore, we’re adults. So, we need to uncover that authenticity and we need a lot of practice doing it. Plus we need help moving through other adaptations and behaviors we learned from our imperfect caregivers. FUN! Right?
Personal development helps us deal with difficult transitions better and more gracefully. The material world is a physical representation of our internal world, the thoughts, feelings, wants and desires we’ve been entertaining. The physical world can be your data points, check in and see where you’re focused. The material world propels us toward what we really want, even if it’s something “bad.” So, the world has to intervene and push us in the right direction, and we get upset about it sometimes or shocked. But, in the end, all of our really difficult, challenging moments have been integral parts in our transformation and in us getting what we want. And then when you get good at that, difficult times come less and less, and then you can focus on directing the world around you, rather than feeling like you’re in a whirlpool, or a very strong river you don’t have control over.
How can I shift my perspective around self mastery so it sounds more fun?
I’m not much of a gamer so I don’t know why these video game examples are coming up but stay with me here. Imagine life’s a game and you want to win. There are so many creative ways you can win. It’s up to you to hold that objective and try as many ways as possible to make your end goal. If you don’t beat the boss on level 1 you can’t get to level 2. So what do you do? You play so many times, you fail until you memorize all the moves the boss makes and you have a strategy on how to deal with them. You don’t just give up, you go through the process, right? You practice and develop the muscle memory and you fail so many times that you know exactly what to do and what works to win. You don’t stop until you win! That is how life is. You’re not meant to get the girl, the dream job, the the dream salary, the straight A’s, the championship the FILL IN THE BLANK without becoming. The process of becoming is that process of failing to beat the boss but never giving up. Doesn’t it feel best when you played at level 10 for 3 days nonstop until you finally beat the boss? That is what I thought 😉
Now let’s talk about Mario Cart. You know when you’re playing Mario Cart and you run into special game pieces that make you invincible, go faster, acquire life or other tools that put you at an advantage over others? What if the advantageous game pieces were hidden under a pile of bricks? You would have to risk damaging your cart or you’d have to get out of your cart, move the bricks to see if there is anything underneath. In the game of real life, there are hidden gems underneath a pile of bricks. The bricks are your memories, traumas, hurts and failures before you could choose your reaction to them. Personal development will not only help you lift those bricks, it’ll reveal the precious gems formed under pressure of the brick.
How do I use dating for self mastery?
I dated nonstop for a year because it taught me so much about me and it built me…it kind of made me stronger, and it helped me develop boundaries, and it helped me figure out what I wanted, but that whole thing for me was like a personal development journey. And also knowing my worth and how to deal with people because when you date, especially if you’re dating online, you get so many different people. But all of a sudden, you start recognizing patterns, and you start recognizing patterns in yourself, and then you figure out how can you respond to this same situation that’s coming up differently? Because I’m a pattern recognizer, and when I see something come up and I don’t necessarily like the way that I dealt with it, I know that I have a second chance, and I’ll have a third chance and a fourth chance, and I can always recreate my answer or my response. And that’s something spirituality and personal development has taught me, and that’s something that makes life really exciting. For example, if I go to a job interview… This is a horrible example because I’ve never been on a job interview before. But if I were to go on a job interview, I would take this same approach. I would say, “Well, I know I’m gonna meet a lot of different people. These are the things that I know how to answer, know how to not answer. I know what I’m really good at, and I know that when I stop breathing, I’m going to need to take a breath and say, “Hey, can we get back to this?” Or maybe I throw in a joke or say something funny, so it breaks the ice.
What happens if I mess up?
RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU’RE A PERFECTIONIST!!
All I can say is, plan on it. You’re going to mess up. That’s a relief isn’t it?
So what happens to negative feelings on the road to self mastery?
Sadness, loneliness, and depression still make their appearances. Why? Because we’re human. They don’t come around too often and when they do, they don’t stick around for long. If you want an easy life, learn how to get along with the voice inside your head.
My challenge to you:
Make a list of things you want to do.
Make a list of things that keep you from doing each one of those. Every time you feel like you wanna do something and then you don’t take action on it, write down your excuse. Why are you not doing it?
Tackle those excuses one by one like your child’s life depends on it.